


No

by LimoFatig



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angsty Draco, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 07:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18442148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LimoFatig/pseuds/LimoFatig
Summary: Draco feels guilty.Harry thinks he should stop whining and start living.





	No

“No”, Draco whispered to no one.

  
The Slytherin was leaning on the edge of the astronomy tower, like he always was nowadays, when he didn’t _have_ to be somewhere else. He spent all his free time on the tower and fell asleep on the cold floor almost every day. Most of his time, he spent like this: looking down where Dumbledore’s body fell. Trying to stop that guilty feeling that was eating away at him. And during all these long lonely hours, the only thing in his mind was that word: _NO._ He said it hundreds of times a day.  
  
“No, I won’t take the dark mark.”  
“No, I won’t kill Dumbledore.”  
“No, I won’t repair the vanishing cabinet.”  
  
That word, “no”, would have changed everything.  
  
Draco couldn’t stop thinking that just by saying that single word then, so much would be different now. So many deceased people would be alive. He himself would probably be dead, but quite honestly, who would care? Lucius was rotting away in Azkaban, still chanting the dark lord’s praise. Narcissa wasn’t half the woman she once was, slowing sinking into depression and despair. All his friends had left for France or even father away without a single glance, even if they knew coming back to school was mandatory for his probation. They left. Even if the loneliness was barely bearable, he couldn't lie to himself, should the roles have been reversed, he would have done the same thing. 

  
“No”, he hissed once more. "I don't deserve to still be alive."  
“Do you really believe that?”, a voice said behind him.

  
It was Potter, of course it was. He didn’t hear his arrival but wasn’t surprised in the slightest by it. Draco went to answer: “no” but couldn’t get it out, so he said nothing. Too much meaning behind this answer. So, he simply shrugged and turned back his stare towards the ground, the ball of guilt in his gut being exacerbated by the Gryffindor’s presence. So much it got hard to breathe. He was hyperventilating. Everything was too hot, too bright, too much.

Suddenly, Draco realised that his breathing had slowed. He noticed a hand very gently stroking his back. He found himself yelling: "What, you think I should go back to being a petty pretentious asshole like nothing happened? Is that what you're saying Potter?"

"What I'm saying is I think you should be happy to be alive. I think you should stop coming here all the time, it's gloomy and cold. I think you should come to the party downstairs, get pissed and make out with someone. Live a little for Merlin's sake!  The war is over Malfoy."

Potter appeared to be a little drunk. How did he knew he was always on the tower? Why was he here with him, if there was a party? The saviour looked like he was perfectly happy standing there with him in the night. 

So Draco went with it:

"Do you think I should have said no to the Dark Lord... when he asked me to kill Dumbledore, I mean?"

There, he said it. Still looking at that spot on the ground where he perfectly recalls seeing the body be. He asked a yes/no question or purpose, realizing that this moment right now was crucial. He needed Potter to say it. No. He couldn't let him leave without saying it. 

When he looked up from the ground, Potter still hadn't answered him. The green eyed boy was looking at him with a complicated look. 

"Look Malfoy, I..."

"No Potter, let me stop you right there. I don't need to hear for the hundredth time : it's complicated, you were a kid and so on. I made the rational decision to save the lives of my family and myself. And I need someone, no, I need YOU to tell me I did the right thing. That NO, I shouldn't have denied the dark lord. Please Harry, I'm begging you, you're right, I can't stay on that tower forever."

Draco knew his eyes were pleading, begging and full of despair. He knew it but he couldn't care less. He needed Potter to say the proverbial word and he needed it now. But the boy who lived to be a pain in his ass now looked annoyed. He clearly couldn't give him his blessing. Potter looked at the door like he was about to leave. Then suddenly, he took a big breath, turned over, walked quickly towards the blond and _hugged_ him. Hard. 

Harry Potter was hugging him. No, Harry Potter was hugging the crap out of him. Thinking that he was probably more drunk than he originally thought, Draco just let himself melt against the other boy. 

Then, finally, Harry spoke. 

"I think you moving on is not about being told you did the right thing or not. It's about you accepting that you took that decision and that there is nothing you can do to change that. You can't live your whole life thinking about what ifs Draco, that's not healthy... just move on."

Then Potter let go of him. He still had that look. Draco knew at that moment that they would talk about this again. There was so much to say. So much history between them.  So much things he knew Harry hadn't told him about the war. So much to apologize for. But not tonight.

Harry didn't say NO, but... Draco still felt the ball in his gut fade a little. He took one last look at the ground and realized that Potter was right again, killing himself away in guilt wouldn't bring back Dumbledore or anyone else who died in the battle.

So Draco looked up to gaze at Potter's eyes, knowing he would never come back here and said: "Hey Potter, when you said 'make out with someone', were you talking about yourself?"

Potter smiled. Then walked away from him.

He didn't say no.


End file.
